Moon in Taurus

Lil' Pluto Dude

My little Pluto dude is a Gemini. He does, in fact, have crazy amounts of Gemini: Sun, Mercury and Venus. It’s a loopy little stellium all opposed and super-charged by Pluto (rising, as I may have mentioned).

Being so utterly Gemini, it’s kind of tricky keeping him on the planet. Out and about, he’s the lagger, looking up at the sky, in his own little world, tripping over the kerb and walking into shop windows. He has scars on his forehead to prove it.  At school… well… He’s only five, but already I sense the exasperation of his teachers as they describe their attempts to keep his floating head in the room. We did, in fact, devise a scheme whereby each time he reaches the end of a school-day I ask his teacher whether he managed to focus, to concentrate, or not. Each time she says yes, he gets a sticker on the starchart on the wall above his bed. Each time he has 10 stickers, he gets a reward.

So, today. He’s piled into the car with his three brothers and his surprisingly deep little voice emanates from his pixie face, big blue eyes piercing me from under his mop of straw: “I got a sticker today.” This surprises me, because I’m the one supposed to be handing out the stickers.

“Oh yes,” I reply. “What for?”

I am anticipating a prolonged stint of applied concentration, a task well done, a whole five minutes sitting still…

His little chest is puffed with pride, his face-splitting grin showing all his milk teeth.

“I finished my lunch before they’d got round the school. I was first for pudding and I finished first!”

I didn’t mention his Moon in Taurus, did I? My little tummy on legs.

Oh God… Please… Mercury! Give us a break!

The saga of Mercury retrograde continues. In a week where replacing a car battery appeared to have done the trick, only not to,  its hiccupping, belching, exhausted wheezing was finally fixed by a reconditioned starter motor and life could move back into normality. I could at last drive my children to school without relying on friends, for example.

You think?

Loaded up and setting off nice and early this very morning, in order to speak to my outrageously Gemini son’s teacher about his inability to concentrate or focus (if only I could explain about my five year-old having Sun, Mercury and Venus all in Gemini: how will he ever concentrate?!  But… astrology? There’s nothing in it, remember?) because he’s not sleeping properly and reverting to trouser-wetting again in his distress, I praised be that the car was fixed.  I even uttered the following words:

“I’ve fallen in love with our bus again.”

And then, on the last stretch before school, I heard a bizarre kind of flapping noise. You know when you notice something and your heart suspects the worst, only for your head to say “Don’t be silly. It’s all fine. You’re paranoid”?

Hmmm.

I wasn’t.

Shortly after that noise, the steering became nauseatingly erratic and I had to pull over sharply in order to avoid an accident.

Flat tyre.

Sigh.

Setting off so early meant that my best friend set off later and passed us on her way to school (I silently praising the heavens that my lovely astrologer had accompanied us and was dutifully changing the wheel). Being the wonderful person she is, she delivered the occupants of her car safely in the playground and came back for mine (having, yesterday, driven us to collect the car from the garage post-starter-motor-fixing – she goes above and beyond, eh?) so the smallest was deposited at playgroup a mere five minutes late.

But of course the spare tyre is just that: a stop-gap, spare tyre, too small to do the job for more than an emergency. So this morning was taken up with hunting for a replacement. And of course they didn’t have one. So they’ve ordered it for later. So of course we’re unlikely to keep our after-school appointment. And of course we’re having to part with the equivalent of at least two limbs financially on this vehicle in one blooming week.  Ay, Chihuahua!

The sooner Mercury turns around and heads off again, the happier this driver will be.

Harumph.

How to attract a man with…

(A Tongue-in-Cheek Look at the Venusian Qualities Desired through the Signs)

How to attract a man with…

…Venus in Aries

Be pioneering! Be bold and convince him that your plans are straightforward and uncomplicated: he need simply do as you suggest and all will be well. Don’t be backwards in coming forwards: tell him where you want him and he’ll be sure to follow.

…Venus in Taurus

Be stable, dependable and financially reliable. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. You will not be aiming too high. He needs no short-cuts, but is happier for you to plod your way sturdily into his affections. He needs to know you’re his and his alone.

…Venus in Gemini

Be versatile. Multi-tasking is the way to impress. He is pathologically afraid of being bored. Keep the conversation flowing and stay active. You’ll have to keep him interested as he’s likely to be looking at your twin sister before too long.

…Venus in Cancer

Get baking. Take him home and demonstrate your wholesome nature. Show him how you’ll look after and protect him. Wear a pinny, feed him home-cooked food and tell him you can’t wait to get married and have babies.

…Venus in Leo

Be magnanimous and regal. Show him your leadership skills and organise his life for him. Inspire him to make more of himself. Always make more of a show than necessary. Spend more on him than you should and show off: he appreciates quality, after all. Oh, and tell him what a fabulous mane he has.

…Venus in Virgo

Be a neat-freak. Keep your surroundings and your person spick and span. Grow your hair long and look virginal. Above all, avoid being seen to be slovenly – practicality, an eye f0r detail and organisation are the order of the day. Oh, and be a virgin.

The remaining six to follow…